Thursday, December 22, 2011

Rotarians and Rain


I recently had the honor of attending a luncheon meeting of the Upper Arlington Rotary Club, an excellent local service organization. At the meeting, POEM was presented a grant award in support of our program services related to online and in-person support groups. We are thrilled and excited to provide these programs and help to carry out this year's Rotary Club theme, “Reach Within to Embrace Humanity.”

The morning of the Rotary meeting, I heard on the radio that Columbus is on track to have had the wettest year in recorded weather history. And the DeeJay commented, “Oh yeah, come to Columbus – we’re just like Seattle except without the Tech, Coffee and Awesome Views.” Seattle is a great city – and beautiful. We had the pleasure of attending our annual training conference there this fall and here was our dinner view:










So, right, Columbus may have little in common with Seattle, besides precipitation. But we do have: 
Heart.  I saw and heard it in each Rotarian that afternoon. They’re truly walking the walk in caring for our community. And within POEM, I see and hear it each day. The mothers who are active in supporting other mothers, over the phone, in person and in our online group – they make this community a wonderful place to be.

How to weather the weather? Get connected to the wonderful hearts right here in the heart of Ohio. That’s the real sunshine, here anytime you need it.

The POEM Support Line: 614.315.8989

E-mail for info about the private online group: tonya@poemonline.org



Monday, December 5, 2011

My parents were groovy. And awesome.


Bob and Jan
 Last week at the library, an acquaintance of mine mentioned a blog-turned-book, My Parents Were Awesome, full of essays from adult children about their parents before they were born.

Here’s an excerpt from the book overview: “They bathed you. They fed you. They raised you to become the person you are today. Your parents are an integral part of your story. But guess what? They have a story too—one that started long before you entered the picture. Before embarrassing fanny packs and Lite FM, there was a time when Mom and Dad were young and carefree—just like you. They were also fun and flirty, full of hope and desire and effortlessly cool.”

Personally, I was definitely never effortlessly cool in my whole life. But yes, of course, I did have likes and interests before my kids arrived. But what about now that life is often dominated with tasks and activities related to my children?

I think the snapshots of days gone by can serve as a reminder to hang on to something that is you, alone. Or yours, as a couple, pre-kiddos. Like to read? I heard there’s this cute book. Connect with friends or look to make some new ones. Just something, anything that reminds you that you are still in there and deserve your own time and needs. And if you’re not feeling like yourself due to postpartum depression or a related maternal mood issue and can’t think of a thing you enjoy, just know that you ARE still in there. With help you will feel like you again.

I know that I struggled with that very concept. I thought good moms only considered their children’s needs. In the throes of PPD, I believed it to be fact and could never do enough. Just do more, I would think. Then I’ll feel better. Now I know that’s not true. I have to care for me so I can care for them. Had I felt like I could think straight, I could have looked to my parents’ fine example. Yes, they had a life before me. But they also had a life outside of my care while I was around. They did their own fun stuff while every need of mine was attended to, and then some. They loved me and they loved each other – and still do. And they had their own individual interests – and still do. And now I can show my children that too.

So at the library, I went as plain old Tonya, bypassing educational, nonfiction, productive-type reading and went right for Harry Bosch. Just for fun. For me.

Monday, November 28, 2011

New Baby = Holiday Hype

It’s the most wonderful time of your life.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

It’s magical!

Aren’t you so excited?

Do you have your shopping done?

The similarities between the anticipation of a new baby and the anticipation of the fun and excitement of the holidays are pretty darn similar. And, likewise, some parts are similarly mythical.

Yes, there are magical, amazing, exciting moments.  Moments to cherish.  But a sustained wowee-wowee-wow-this-is-so-great-all-day-long doesn’t exist in reality. We spend quite a bit of time at POEM de-bunking the myths about new motherhood that get in the way of mom's mental and physical health.  How about addressing these same issues in the context of the holiday season?  There’s often:

Lack of sleep


Unsolicited advice

Budget strains

Visitors: some helpful, some not so much

Long to-do lists


...And other stresses on our minds and bodies which aren’t regularly present. So, taking some regular reality checks on how we’re taking care of ourselves is one of the few must-do items to put on the list.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Prep Work

When the Penn State scandal broke, among the many other thoughts and reactions that came to mind, was a comment made in one of the trainings I’d conducted just a few weeks earlier. One of the attendees, a therapist, was speaking about the work her client did to prepare for having a baby. The client was a survivor of child sex abuse and was about to become a mother herself.

New moms can experience PTSD resulting from a variety of traumatic situations – from the past or throughout the pregnancy and childbirth experience. Learn more here. This young woman had worked with her counselor on the possible triggers – from labor and delivery, to beginning breastfeeding, to the stresses of sleep deprivation and how that may affect her. And I thought, WOW. That work is equally, if not more, important than making sure the diapers, sleepers and other supplies are ready to go.

Yes, truly, nothing can prepare you for the experience of becoming a mother. But how about thinking ahead about particular stresses and at least plan for emotional support (someone nonjudgmental and reliable to lean on) in addition to the practical support (who’s helping with the baby care)?

Then that got me thinking about preparing for the holiday season. What are the things we think about? Cards? Gifts? Decorations? Perhaps we should also consider how our minds and bodies react to a longer to-do list. Less sunshine with more awake time spent in darkness. The increased presence of the extended family. Greater strains on the family budget. Cooking. And so on.

As you make your holiday preparations, put your own care – time for self, sleep, connecting with supportive others – right there at the top of EVERY list. And check it twice.


It’s okay to reach out for help. That’s why we’re here. www.poemonline.org

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Make like a leaf and...

Let it go.

The experts at Living Self Care remind us to grab a second and take a little lesson about this changing fall season.  (portions here are excerpted from their original blog post)

We are fortunate to enjoy a beautiful autumn in Ohio with the colors of the changing leaves. And then what happens? The leaves fall. The trees shed their leaves to allow for new growth in the spring.

Hmmm, letting go of something that doesn't serve you well? What a great idea. Are you feeling guilty about a recent mistake?  Fretting about getting through that long to-do list?  Holding on to a worry or anger?

Step outside and feel the cool air for a minute.  Or take a second to glance out the window.  Do you see how effortlessly the leaves let go?  Let this inspire you to let go of something that isn't serving you anymore.  Jot that something (or somethings if you're feeling really inspired!) down on a piece of paper - whatever comes to mind - without judging or censoring it. Now crumble it, watch it fall to the trash and release it from you.

Share in the magic of fall.  It's time to release the old to make way for the new.



Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Servant Song

Servant. This word keeps popping up in my mind.

Today is Election Day. The day we take the time out of our already busy schedules to cast our vote on a variety of candidates and issues. If elected, these candidates often use the term “public servant.” I’m not even touching the range of thoughts on that. No way.

But what does is mean, “to serve?” To be a servant?

At POEM, we serve mothers, families, communities and our state by welcoming and caring for moms struggling with perinatal (all pregnancy through a year or so postpartum) emotional difficulties.  We know that maternal mental health is central to family health.  Family health is central to community health.  Community health is central to the health of our state.  Here in Ohio we have much to do, and we continue to serve each and every day.

Moms we serve are from many different backgrounds, philosophies, belief systems, ethnicities and so on. We truly believe the every woman is the expert of her own life and thusly, respect her thoughts and decisions.

I hold this POEM philosophy very dear. Yet, I am compelled to share this very personal part of me – a few lines of what might be my favorite hymn. The Servant Song. I get a little teary eyed nearly every time we sing it. Last week, we sang it at choir rehearsal and I kept thinking of a couple of conversations I’d had on the Support Line that day.

And then, yesterday evening on a Support Line call, a new mother said to me about 25 minutes into our conversation: “You sound so calm. You must have it all figured out. I bet you’re a great mom.” And as I gently responded with what wellness is really like, I thought again of this song.

I think of the wonderfully unique mothers I talk with each day.

I know how hard you work. And I want you to know that you’re not going it alone. Yes, with help, you will feel better. The darkness, confusion and worry will wane.

But there’s no one who’s got it all figured out. No mom who always knows what to do. No mom who’s sure of herself all the time.

So I’m sharing excerpts of a few verses of the beautiful song written by New Zealander Richard Gillard in hopes you’ll know that we’re here, with you.

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are trav’lers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the light for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

We’re here, walking the journey of motherhood together, sharing peace in the darkest hours. We’re here, right beside you.



Thursday, October 6, 2011

What I forgot that I remembered

In mid-September, your loyal POEM leaders attended the annual Postpartum Support International (PSI) Conference. As is every year, we go to discuss best practices with our colleagues from around the country and across the world; learn about new and innovative programs and how they're serving women with perinatal mood issues; re-connect with friends we've made doing this work for many years; and more. Lots more, really. It's just fabulous. Come along next time.


And as I sat at the MotherWoman session, furiously scribbling notes, with the always vibrant and dynamic Liz Friedman and Annette Cycon about Perinatal Support Groups, I realized that I forgot an important part of managing such groups.  I'd not fully considered or acknowledged the sheer importance of always, consistently, holding meetings.  I smiled to myself as I mentally slapped my forehead.
In the approximately 13 years that I have been co-facilitating support groups in Central Ohio, we have cancelled 1 meeting. UNO. And then it was only because it was a level 3 snow emergency and I don't think the city would've considered support group facilitators part of emergency personnel. That simple fact had never occurred to me. Does it make a difference to women to know that we’re always here? I would think so, right?

I’d forgotten how important steadfast reliability is, with regard to this program.  How much it means to always be there. I say it all the time, to community members, health care providers and such: Here’s what we do at POEM. “Our program services are…”  Our facilitators are caring and compassionate, yet also sharp and educated.  But I stopped really thinking about the fact that we are rooted in always being there. About how the quality, reliable, face-to-face, peer-to-peer support groups like POEM and others through PSI do change lives.

About how many women I’ve watched and cared for, meeting after meeting, overcome the depths of darkness to joy, confidence, strength. It is beautiful.

Thank you, Liz and Annette. Thank you for teaching me about your landmark program in Massachusetts. Thank you for supporting, engaging, teaching and empowering the many women in your region. And, thank you for helping me to remember and appreciate how vital it is to Be Here.

Thank you to Amy and all the POEM co-facilitators who arrive, fully present, session after session.  It matters.  You matter.

Thank you to the mothers and families who attend our groups, year after year, for entrusting us with your thoughts, fears, worries and hopes.  You matter. 

I think we’ll stick around.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Monday, May 16, 2011

A video message from POEM



It’s okay to reach out for help.That’s why we’re here. www.poemonline.org

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

10 Celebrities Who Battled Postpartum Depression - depression - Health.com

Yes, even with nannies, personal assistants for their personal assistants, personal trainers and never-ending Starbucks supply, they can get it too. Must be something to this REAL ILLNESS thing.

10 Celebrities Who Battled Postpartum Depression - depression - Health.com

It’s okay to reach out for help.That’s why we’re here. http://www.poemonline.org/

Monday, February 14, 2011

You're Amazing.

I certainly know this isn't the way Bruno Mars meant it, but when I heard this song on the radio this morning...



I thought of our POEM moms.
So many of you feel like you're doing things wrong. Like there's One Right Way to parent. But your symptoms - of a perinatal mood/anxiety disorder - hide the truth that there is no perfect. If you are trying, you are perfect. "If perfect's what you're seaching for, than just stay the same," he sings.

When you're suffering from anxiety, depression, strange thoughts, you sure don't feel amazing. Anything but. But those symptoms have nothing to do with your beauty. I see you with your babies at group, and I hear your hurt --but I see the love for your child. I see that you're trying so hard. And it is amazing, your strength and courage. In another line, Bruno croons "It's so sad to think that she don't see what I see," and I wish that you could see the beautiful mother that I see.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The MOMologues

Valentine's Day made easy. (for your sweetheart)

Tickets to The MOMologues make the perfect Valentine gift.

This hilarious production features local moms & celebrities including Ellie Merritt of NBC4 and Ann Fisher of WOSU.

Ticket proceeds help POEM support moms & families in our community and across the state.

Click HERE for more about the show.

Click HERE for tickets - on sale February 12.

original play written by L. Rafferty, S. Cloutier & S. Eppolito
Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French Inc.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February Meeting Dates and Tips for Feeling Better

In February, we celebrate Valentine's Day and National Heart Month. Take heart if you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious and/or depressed. POEM (Perinatal Outreach and Encouragement for Moms) is here to help. Plan to attend a support group meeting in February:

10 a.m., Saturday, February 12

or

7 p.m., Tuesday, February 22

Also, show yourself some"love" by trying these 10 tips for feeling better.

1. Let others know what they can do to help. Allow a friend to pick up a few items for you at the grocery store. Let Grandma or an older neighbor who just loves to hold babies come over and rock the baby. If you have other children, seek out play dates and offer to take turns.

2. Screen phone calls. Let the answering machine pick up and/or send all calls to voicemail. Too often, especially during the day and early evening hours, many calls are simply solicitations.

3. Allow yourself a moment to laugh. Rent a comedy or watch cartoons you enjoyed as a child.

4. Eat well. Make readily available healthy choices that are quick and convenient: bananas, pre-cut veggies, nuts and bottled water are a good start.

5. Avoid caffeine and alcohol. When you are tired and stressed, caffeine and/or a good, stiff drink are very tempting, but fight the urge. Try herbal tea or flavored water instead.

6. Take a walk. This is easier said than done, especially during these long, winter months. Nevertheless, consider walking at an indoor shopping mall or local recreation center. And on those rare, yet wonderful, days when the sun is out and the temperatures are moderate, bundle up the baby and you and head outside.

7. Get out of the house. Even when this feels like a chore, push yourself to meet a friend for lunch or vist a local library.

8. Confide in someone you trust. Whether you seek professional support or talk to a trusted friend, discussing your feelings and emotions in a safe environment will help.

9. If on medication, take it as prescribed. If the medication you are taking doesn't seem to be working, ask your health care provider about other options.

10. Cut yourself some slack. Motherhood is daunting, even under ideal circumstances. Celebrate successes, big and small, and know that less than perfect is perfectly okay.

It’s okay to reach out for help.That’s why we’re here. http://www.poemonline.org/

Monday, January 3, 2011

January Meeting Schedule

Columbus Support Group Meetings in January:

Saturday, January 8 at 10am

Tuesday, January 25 at 7pm

Call 614.315.8989 or email amy@poemonline.org for meeting details.