Gutting Judgment

Why must we judge each other so? How about a little MYOB?

I came across this post this morning:
4 Times It’s Perfectly OK to Judge Other Parents

In reading the 4 examples, our gut reaction might be to think “Oh yeah! Ugh. SO irritating, right? Those poor kids with dreadful, self-centered/absent/discipline-lacking mothers.”

But why? Seriously, what’s the point? How does it help us be better mothers ourselves? Because we can look down at another, without knowing the whole story?

It doesn’t seem a far cry from “Nah, nah, nah, I’m better than you!”

Maybe I’m judging the judgers, I don’t know. I’m guessing the author’s purpose is not malicious and is more for entertainment. But, still.

I think it bothers me so because so often I see moms at POEM, struggling with perinatal mood/anxiety disorders, actually believe the judgmental comments they hear.
And they feel not good enough, broken, flawed. And it’s just not true.

No two mothers are the same. No two children are the same. No two families are the same.

So, of course, we may see another’s parenting choice as one we’d not make in our own lives, but that’s fine. That doesn’t make one better than the other. Just different.

Enough with the judgment. Find something else to do, like supporting mothers to find the confidence to recognize that they are the expert in their own lives.

We must care for ourselves and our children in the way that works best for us.
It just DOES NOT MATTER what anyone else thinks.

Pertussis and PPD

“I think that most people believe that it’s an opportunity that shouldn’t be missed,” said Dr. Michael Brady,   (The Columbus Dispatch LINK),  chairman of the Department of Pediatrics at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.


Dr. Brady was quoted in The Dispatch last week in an article discussing The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) report that pediatricians may vaccinate parents and caregivers for whooping cough (pertussis) when they’re in the office with their kiddos.


For in the best interest of the patient (the child), treating the parent can lead to better health outcomes. Absolutely! Super! Agreed.


Parents are busy and sometimes forgo their own routine preventative care, but rarely do they miss those well checks for their children. As an advocate for moms, I say don’t forget to take care of you! But as a busy mom myself, I too am guilty of sometimes putting the health care needs of my kids ahead of my own.


Back in 2010, the AAP similarly recommended that pediatricians screen moms for postpartum depression (PPD) and related disorders, using similar logic stated now in the pertussis vaccination report.


Pediatricians are the care providers who see moms:
~often the first one following baby’s arrival
~typically more than any other medical care provider in baby’s first year.


And since this means they’re also seeing the 1 mom in 5 who’s struggling with a postpartum mood/anxiety disorder, they’re in a unique position to help. 


Help her to know that she’s not a failure. Postpartum disorders are not character flaws: rather, a treatable illness. She deserves support and care in order to best care for her baby.


Help her know she’s not alone. Help connect her to those who can help her get better. So she can be the mom she wants to be.


Help her see that getting resources and treatment will make it easier – and more enjoyable – to care for her baby and her family.


I hope Dr. Brady's colleagues agree that, in the interest of their young patients, they can address health issues of parents. 


Then perhaps we'll see more discussion of postpartum depression and related disorders in the pediatric setting.  A recent outreach project of the Franklin County Maternal Depression Task Force found that only about 26% of greater Columbus pediatric practices who returned survey data are discussing postpartum mood issues with the families in their care. Sadly, the vast majority of the 234 practices contacted didn’t respond at all. My fingers are crossed that the low response rate means that they are screening, talking with moms and essentially have it covered. But in talking with the hundreds of mothers through POEM each year, I doubt it.  Yes, there are some wonderful local pediatricians who routinely refer to POEM and we think they're pretty amazing.  So do the mothers who get help, and get better.


The Task Force, of which POEM is proud to be an active member, isn’t giving up on the next steps in the outreach project. This year we’ll continue to work to engage pediatricians and other care providers in hopes of enlisting their participation in supporting moms – and thusly, families.


But as a community, we all need to chip in. If your pediatrician doesn’t mention postpartum mood issues and the availability of resources, ask “Why not?”


And if you’re one of the moms who found POEM or other resources because of your pediatric practitioner, say “Thank you. You make a difference.”

Happy New Year

On behalf of POEM, I extend our best wishes for a healthy and happy 2012. Here’s to a positive outlook and moving forward.


http://www.idlehearts.com/

Here’s also to a goodbye of 2011. At POEM, 2011 brought many mothers to us to work through the depths and fright of anxiety and depression. Perhaps you may look at your year like this mom:
2011? HA

And maybe some are feeling a little iffy about this calendar year, too. Well, that’s okay. All is not lost. Hope’s still in there.

Amid your review of last year and anticipation of the year ahead, I ask you to look at your expectations. Happy New Year: What’s your expectation of what that means? And is it realistic? Oftentimes, if your expectations are met or surpassed, things are rosy. If they’re different or not met, the outlook changes. Happy doesn’t mean perfect. Happy doesn’t mean there aren’t problems, failures, difficulties and challenges. Happy isn’t defined by someone else’s view.

If you’re looking for bliss or worrying about how others see you, the folks at OSU say that’s not so good for you. Here’s a recent study highlighting the effects on parents of perfectionism and worrying about what everyone else thinks. “Moms showed less confidence in their parenting abilities and dads felt more stress when they were more worried about what other people thought about their parenting skills.” Article LINK

I’m not saying let’s dream for mediocrity. Let’s just factor in the unexpected, complications and challenges as things we all face. Happy happens even in the midst of them. No matter where you are in your journey of motherhood, you’ll find your happy.