New Baby = Holiday Hype

It’s the most wonderful time of your life.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

It’s magical!

Aren’t you so excited?

Do you have your shopping done?

The similarities between the anticipation of a new baby and the anticipation of the fun and excitement of the holidays are pretty darn similar. And, likewise, some parts are similarly mythical.

Yes, there are magical, amazing, exciting moments.  Moments to cherish.  But a sustained wowee-wowee-wow-this-is-so-great-all-day-long doesn’t exist in reality. We spend quite a bit of time at POEM de-bunking the myths about new motherhood that get in the way of mom's mental and physical health.  How about addressing these same issues in the context of the holiday season?  There’s often:

Lack of sleep


Unsolicited advice

Budget strains

Visitors: some helpful, some not so much

Long to-do lists

Super-human expectations

...And other stresses on our minds and bodies which aren’t regularly present. So, taking some regular reality checks on how we’re taking care of ourselves is one of the few must-do items to put on the list.

Prep Work

When the Penn State scandal broke, among the many other thoughts and reactions that came to mind, was a comment made in one of the trainings I’d conducted just a few weeks earlier. One of the attendees, a therapist, was speaking about the work her client did to prepare for having a baby. The client was a survivor of child sex abuse and was about to become a mother herself.

New moms can experience PTSD resulting from a variety of traumatic situations – from the past or throughout the pregnancy and childbirth experience. Learn more here. This young woman had worked with her counselor on the possible triggers – from labor and delivery, to beginning breastfeeding, to the stresses of sleep deprivation and how that may affect her. And I thought, WOW. That work is equally, if not more, important than making sure the diapers, sleepers and other supplies are ready to go.

Yes, truly, nothing can prepare you for the experience of becoming a mother. But how about thinking ahead about particular stresses and at least plan for emotional support (someone nonjudgmental and reliable to lean on) in addition to the practical support (who’s helping with the baby care)?

Then that got me thinking about preparing for the holiday season. What are the things we think about? Cards? Gifts? Decorations? Perhaps we should also consider how our minds and bodies react to a longer to-do list. Less sunshine with more awake time spent in darkness. The increased presence of the extended family. Greater strains on the family budget. Cooking. And so on.

As you make your holiday preparations, put your own care – time for self, sleep, connecting with supportive others – right there at the top of EVERY list. And check it twice.


It’s okay to reach out for help. That’s why we’re here. www.poemonline.org

Make like a leaf and...

Let it go.

The experts at Living Self Care remind us to grab a second and take a little lesson about this changing fall season.  (portions here are excerpted from their original blog post)

We are fortunate to enjoy a beautiful autumn in Ohio with the colors of the changing leaves. And then what happens? The leaves fall. The trees shed their leaves to allow for new growth in the spring.

Hmmm, letting go of something that doesn't serve you well? What a great idea. Are you feeling guilty about a recent mistake?  Fretting about getting through that long to-do list?  Holding on to a worry or anger?

Step outside and feel the cool air for a minute.  Or take a second to glance out the window.  Do you see how effortlessly the leaves let go?  Let this inspire you to let go of something that isn't serving you anymore.  Jot that something (or somethings if you're feeling really inspired!) down on a piece of paper - whatever comes to mind - without judging or censoring it. Now crumble it, watch it fall to the trash and release it from you.

Share in the magic of fall.  It's time to release the old to make way for the new.

The Servant Song

Servant. This word keeps popping up in my mind.

Today is Election Day. The day we take the time out of our already busy schedules to cast our vote on a variety of candidates and issues. If elected, these candidates often use the term “public servant.” I’m not even touching the range of thoughts on that. No way.

But what does is mean, “to serve?” To be a servant?

At POEM, we serve mothers, families, communities and our state by welcoming and caring for moms struggling with perinatal (all pregnancy through a year or so postpartum) emotional difficulties.  We know that maternal mental health is central to family health.  Family health is central to community health.  Community health is central to the health of our state.  Here in Ohio we have much to do, and we continue to serve each and every day.

Moms we serve are from many different backgrounds, philosophies, belief systems, ethnicities and so on. We truly believe the every woman is the expert of her own life and thusly, respect her thoughts and decisions.

I hold this POEM philosophy very dear. Yet, I am compelled to share this very personal part of me – a few lines of what might be my favorite hymn. The Servant Song. I get a little teary eyed nearly every time we sing it. Last week, we sang it at choir rehearsal and I kept thinking of a couple of conversations I’d had on the Support Line that day.

And then, yesterday evening on a Support Line call, a new mother said to me about 25 minutes into our conversation: “You sound so calm. You must have it all figured out. I bet you’re a great mom.” And as I gently responded with what wellness is really like, I thought again of this song.

I think of the wonderfully unique mothers I talk with each day.

I know how hard you work. And I want you to know that you’re not going it alone. Yes, with help, you will feel better. The darkness, confusion and worry will wane.

But there’s no one who’s got it all figured out. No mom who always knows what to do. No mom who’s sure of herself all the time.

So I’m sharing excerpts of a few verses of the beautiful song written by New Zealander Richard Gillard in hopes you’ll know that we’re here, with you.

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are trav’lers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the light for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

We’re here, walking the journey of motherhood together, sharing peace in the darkest hours. We’re here, right beside you.