Milk Wars, really? Why do we do this?

Here at POEM, we routinely encourage mothers to make healthy choices, based on the evidence available, to support a healthy family environment. So, of course, we're certainly not going to dispute the shown health benefits of breastfeeding. But, we in no way support the guilt-inducing pressure that mothers sometimes receive when they struggle with breastfeeding. Or, heaven forbid, they make the choice not to breastfeed.

We support these moms too. ALL moms. We don't walk in their shoes. We don't know all the reasons why mothers choose a particular feeding method. Sometimes it's complicated. They are doing their best, and they deserve our support and respect that they are the one who gets to decide.

August is breastfeeding month and there are messages everywhere about the superior choice that breastfeeding is. Yes, agreed. It is!  But can we not also acknowledge that balanced advice, based on each mother's situation is okay too?

Likewise, though, no mother should feel bullied to formula feed either. Again, her choice is based on what's best in her family.

Why in the world are we talking about Milk Wars? Can we not agree that while breastfeeding is the optimal nutritional choice, it is not the only thing that a mother will ever do for her child's welfare?

Time and time again, we see postpartum depression and anxiety exacerbated and complicated by breastfeeding challenges.  We must acknowledge:

babies need healthy mothers more than anything else.

Until such time that professionals who provide breastfeeding support and education for mothers are adequately trained to screen and assess for postpartum depression and anxiety, they must not discount the fact that this most common disorder impacts their breastfeeding experience and of course, their mothering experience.

Until such time that mothers are respected as the experts and their lives, coupled with true societal support for families, we must back off the guilt-laden messages that only good moms breastfeed.

Katherine Stone so aptly quotes Mayor Bloomberg in her post Back Off of The Mamas, "...nobody knows better than an individual woman what is best for herself and her family."

Milk Wars? We should be ashamed. Support moms, ALL of them.

"SuperMoms" are depressed.

Boy does this go in the I told ya so file. This study shows what we've been saying at POEM for years.

 Check out the 5 factors of parenting that lead to more depression and stress.

 "Putting our own mental health right up there with our kids’ - perhaps even first - is probably the best way to go. Since kids are so highly intuitive, working on own happiness and mental health is the best thing we can do - though it’s easier said than done, it’s probably the best legacy we can leave." (Alice Walton). YES. YES. YES.

July Meetings

It appears we're having technical difficulties with our meeting map gadget. (usually on the top left of the blog page). So, our Moms Group meeting schedule for July is:

Saturday July 14th at 10am
Tuesday July 24 at 7pm

These dates follow our typical schedule - the 2nd Saturday of every month at 10am and the 4th Tuesday of every month at 7pm.

We meet at Northwest Counseling Services, 1560 Fishinger Rd, Columbus 43221. Click here for the Google Map link.

For questions about the meeting, or anything else for that matter, please call us at 614-315-8989 or email tonya@poemonline.org

Thanks!

Just Say No, I DARE you.

As I listened to my daughter's 5th grade class sing the DARE song at last's week's program graduation, I thought back to the Just Say No programs that I recall in school.  Did we have a nifty song too?  I don't remember. 

We're all familiar with the purpose and value of teaching kids how to stand up to peer pressure, value themselves and make good choices.  But, now that we're all grown up, how do we moms rate? 

Do you succumb to peer pressure?  Feel yourself saying "Yes" to commitments, activities even if you'd rather not? 

Yes, of course, let's have all the in-laws at our house. 
Sure!  I'll bake the cupcakes! 
Absolutely, count me in to help with the....

Maybe Just Say No should have a mommy curriculum.  After all, if you just say no to one commitment, what might you be saying yes to?  Yes to time to relax.  Yes to setting boundaries.  Yes to...

Tough love

I don't much like running.  I just can't do it.  Consequently, I've always had this admiration for those who run marathons and all that really tough kind of exercise.  Like there's some extra physical tough-ness gene I missed out on.  Or I'm a wimp. 

So I read with interest an article by Jillian Michaels on becoming a mother recently published in Self Magazine.  She seems pretty tough, after all.  Surely it's easy for someone like her.
But I really do know better.  Good moms are not made just by working harder.  You can work all night to get the baby to go to sleep, and still be unsuccessful.
It's not a toughness test.  Oh yes, there's endurance involved, for sure, but it's balance and expectations.  They are key.  Learning how to balance your needs with those of the child and the expectation that there really is no perfect balance.  And, just like the rest of us, Jillian struggles with those, too.

Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month, Officially!

It's May. The month in which we honor mothers. Here at POEM, while we serve moms all year long, we've really turned up our advocacy chops this month.

We’re proud of our long-running support services, but there’s more to do.  We must bring awareness in our community of how common, treatable and REAL perinatal mood and anxiety disorders really are.

You know it, right? You've been listening? You are not alone. You are not to blame; your illness is real. And with help, you'll get better.  

But in order to support the mothers who follow, the thousands right here in our community who will also struggle, we must reach out. Keep talking.

To that end, we're proud to share a couple recent accomplishments:

This week, The Franklin County Maternal Depression Task Force, led by Caring for 2, POEM and Columbus Public Health received proclamations declaring May as Maternal Depression Awareness Month from the Columbus City Council and the Franklin County Commissioners. 

In concert with this Public Awareness Campaign, the amazing genius-folk at

GSW Worldwide created a :30 PSA based on our longer video created last May.  Check it out!

 

Thank you.

In celebration National Volunteer Week, April 15-21

THANK YOU

to the many wonderful, beautiful, caring, giving, brilliant, dynamic and dedicated
volunteers that keep POEM going strong. To our
Board of Directors,
Advisors,
Mentors,
Facilitators,
Support Line Volunteers,
Coordinators,
Fundraisers,
Project Volunteers
and Donors:
each and every one of you are truly and greatly appreciated and needed.

The MOMologues. Why?

Why The MOMologues?

Because

Together, I can.

Yes, The MOMologues: The Original Comedy About Motherhood is POEM's only signature benefit event for the year. Yes, the awareness and the funds raised are vital to our mission.  

But why did we select a comedy about motherhood?  After all, the issues in which POEM addresses are serious stuff. Depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts are nothing to laugh at.  True, but the funny, silly, crazy, scary things that happen throughout pregnancy, new motherhood and beyond, bond us all. 

All mothers, at some moments, feel as though they’ve no idea what they’re doing.
All mothers, at some moments, cry.  Sob.  Weep.  From worry, joy, sadness, fear.
All mothers, at some moments, feel overwhelmed.
All mothers, at some moments, wonder what happened to their mind – and their bodies.

And while, in this age of Mommy Bloggers and social media, more stories of Real Moms are shared – and that is important, to be applauded and supported – nothing can replace the power of together. 

Together, I can:
Meet my own needs in order to meet the needs of my family.
Ask for help when I need it.
Forgive myself for mistakes.
Live in the chaos.

Coming together to laugh, cry, share – face to face – is powerful and vital.  It reminds each and every one of us that when we’re spent, tired, frustrated, grumpy, worried and feeling alone: that we are not. 

We are together, as mothers, as a community: powerful.   

And funny. 

See you at the show.

I Just Wish

...this would all go away.

...I could stop worrying.

...I'd know when I will feel like me again.

...I could get some freaking sleep.

While we'd all like to find that four-leaf clover and enjoy a little Luck o'the Irish, wishing our troubles away doesn't really get us too far. Even on St. Patty's Day, just around the corner.

And oftentimes, wishes come as an expression of exasperation, frustration. "Why me?! I wish..."
And instead of moving toward feeling better, the wishing relinquishes yet another piece of control from your hands. Almost like telling yourself there's nothing you can do.

PPD is not a choice and as such, getting better is not just a decision to not have said PPD. If only.
But you can do way more than wish it away.  You can choose to keep fighting, seeking treatment and support.

And if you're wishing you had someone to talk to, resources for treatment or a caring community of support, you're in luck. We're here.

Value you.

When wading through the depths of PPD, surviving day-to-day life and stresses is the goal. Nitty gritty, down and dirty survival. Clawing the cliff of worries, insecurities, sleep deprivation, adjustments to parenthood. The harsh reality of pulling through a pregnancy-postpartum mood/anxiety disorder:
taking it
a day
an hour
a moment at a time.

Believe it or not – it does get better. Hope returns. Sometimes hope briefly makes an appearance and steals away.  Such is the nature of the winding road to recovery.  When that glimmer shows itself,
even the teeniest bit,
even for a moment,
consider looking to find or rediscover something you enjoy. Something you’re passionate about.

There's an article (link) from a few months ago about this idea. It's more about general depression, which typically differs from PPD, but makes a similar point.

But the true inspiration for this post came from three women, mothers, who, through their theatrical talents, are living this very ideal:

Melissa Muguruza Weaver – SLEEPER, Everybody’s Girl

Kim Garrison Hopcraft – Rubenstein’s Kiss

Amy Anderson – Sideways Stories from Wayside School

I had the honor of meeting each of these women last year, when POEM produced its first Moms Night Out event, The MOMologues: The Original Comedy About Motherhood. They, along with other fabulous women, generously gave of their time and talent to direct and star in the show. (And save the date, The MOMologues is returning this year on May 11.)

Now, stop it right now if you’re comparing. If you’re struggling to get through the basics of day-to-day life and see what these women are doing and thinking you’re inadequate, it is simply not true. No matter where you are today, you are just as beautiful, powerful as anyone else.
Your inherent resilience and strength is in there. 
And each person finds what gives them joy on their own, in their own time.

The MOMologues brings to light the crazy, funny emotional events that happen (to all moms – regardless of PPD) throughout pregnancy and new motherhood. In observing the first rehearsal last year, I learned that each cast member identified with some challenge comically addressed in the show. So, despite of their talent, beauty and brilliance, they, too, didn’t always know the answers. And I’m guessing they still don’t. But each continues the journey and serves as an inspiration to delve into what they love to do as an individual – addressing their own human needs in addition to providing care and love for their children. They’re a true example to their children – and to us - to live our dreams, whatever they are.

Take this moment to give yourself permission to address your own, personal needs. Consider squeezing in time to do something meaningful or fun for you. You are worthy. Doing something for you is more than okay – it’s good for you.

Gutting Judgment

Why must we judge each other so? How about a little MYOB?

I came across this post this morning:
4 Times It’s Perfectly OK to Judge Other Parents

In reading the 4 examples, our gut reaction might be to think “Oh yeah! Ugh. SO irritating, right? Those poor kids with dreadful, self-centered/absent/discipline-lacking mothers.”

But why? Seriously, what’s the point? How does it help us be better mothers ourselves? Because we can look down at another, without knowing the whole story?

It doesn’t seem a far cry from “Nah, nah, nah, I’m better than you!”

Maybe I’m judging the judgers, I don’t know. I’m guessing the author’s purpose is not malicious and is more for entertainment. But, still.

I think it bothers me so because so often I see moms at POEM, struggling with perinatal mood/anxiety disorders, actually believe the judgmental comments they hear.
And they feel not good enough, broken, flawed. And it’s just not true.

No two mothers are the same. No two children are the same. No two families are the same.

So, of course, we may see another’s parenting choice as one we’d not make in our own lives, but that’s fine. That doesn’t make one better than the other. Just different.

Enough with the judgment. Find something else to do, like supporting mothers to find the confidence to recognize that they are the expert in their own lives.

We must care for ourselves and our children in the way that works best for us.
It just DOES NOT MATTER what anyone else thinks.

Pertussis and PPD

“I think that most people believe that it’s an opportunity that shouldn’t be missed,” said Dr. Michael Brady,   (The Columbus Dispatch LINK),  chairman of the Department of Pediatrics at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.


Dr. Brady was quoted in The Dispatch last week in an article discussing The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) report that pediatricians may vaccinate parents and caregivers for whooping cough (pertussis) when they’re in the office with their kiddos.


For in the best interest of the patient (the child), treating the parent can lead to better health outcomes. Absolutely! Super! Agreed.


Parents are busy and sometimes forgo their own routine preventative care, but rarely do they miss those well checks for their children. As an advocate for moms, I say don’t forget to take care of you! But as a busy mom myself, I too am guilty of sometimes putting the health care needs of my kids ahead of my own.


Back in 2010, the AAP similarly recommended that pediatricians screen moms for postpartum depression (PPD) and related disorders, using similar logic stated now in the pertussis vaccination report.


Pediatricians are the care providers who see moms:
~often the first one following baby’s arrival
~typically more than any other medical care provider in baby’s first year.


And since this means they’re also seeing the 1 mom in 5 who’s struggling with a postpartum mood/anxiety disorder, they’re in a unique position to help. 


Help her to know that she’s not a failure. Postpartum disorders are not character flaws: rather, a treatable illness. She deserves support and care in order to best care for her baby.


Help her know she’s not alone. Help connect her to those who can help her get better. So she can be the mom she wants to be.


Help her see that getting resources and treatment will make it easier – and more enjoyable – to care for her baby and her family.


I hope Dr. Brady's colleagues agree that, in the interest of their young patients, they can address health issues of parents. 


Then perhaps we'll see more discussion of postpartum depression and related disorders in the pediatric setting.  A recent outreach project of the Franklin County Maternal Depression Task Force found that only about 26% of greater Columbus pediatric practices who returned survey data are discussing postpartum mood issues with the families in their care. Sadly, the vast majority of the 234 practices contacted didn’t respond at all. My fingers are crossed that the low response rate means that they are screening, talking with moms and essentially have it covered. But in talking with the hundreds of mothers through POEM each year, I doubt it.  Yes, there are some wonderful local pediatricians who routinely refer to POEM and we think they're pretty amazing.  So do the mothers who get help, and get better.


The Task Force, of which POEM is proud to be an active member, isn’t giving up on the next steps in the outreach project. This year we’ll continue to work to engage pediatricians and other care providers in hopes of enlisting their participation in supporting moms – and thusly, families.


But as a community, we all need to chip in. If your pediatrician doesn’t mention postpartum mood issues and the availability of resources, ask “Why not?”


And if you’re one of the moms who found POEM or other resources because of your pediatric practitioner, say “Thank you. You make a difference.”

Happy New Year

On behalf of POEM, I extend our best wishes for a healthy and happy 2012. Here’s to a positive outlook and moving forward.


http://www.idlehearts.com/

Here’s also to a goodbye of 2011. At POEM, 2011 brought many mothers to us to work through the depths and fright of anxiety and depression. Perhaps you may look at your year like this mom:
2011? HA

And maybe some are feeling a little iffy about this calendar year, too. Well, that’s okay. All is not lost. Hope’s still in there.

Amid your review of last year and anticipation of the year ahead, I ask you to look at your expectations. Happy New Year: What’s your expectation of what that means? And is it realistic? Oftentimes, if your expectations are met or surpassed, things are rosy. If they’re different or not met, the outlook changes. Happy doesn’t mean perfect. Happy doesn’t mean there aren’t problems, failures, difficulties and challenges. Happy isn’t defined by someone else’s view.

If you’re looking for bliss or worrying about how others see you, the folks at OSU say that’s not so good for you. Here’s a recent study highlighting the effects on parents of perfectionism and worrying about what everyone else thinks. “Moms showed less confidence in their parenting abilities and dads felt more stress when they were more worried about what other people thought about their parenting skills.” Article LINK

I’m not saying let’s dream for mediocrity. Let’s just factor in the unexpected, complications and challenges as things we all face. Happy happens even in the midst of them. No matter where you are in your journey of motherhood, you’ll find your happy.