I Just Wish

...this would all go away.

...I could stop worrying.

...I'd know when I will feel like me again.

...I could get some freaking sleep.

While we'd all like to find that four-leaf clover and enjoy a little Luck o'the Irish, wishing our troubles away doesn't really get us too far. Even on St. Patty's Day, just around the corner.

And oftentimes, wishes come as an expression of exasperation, frustration. "Why me?! I wish..."
And instead of moving toward feeling better, the wishing relinquishes yet another piece of control from your hands. Almost like telling yourself there's nothing you can do.

PPD is not a choice and as such, getting better is not just a decision to not have said PPD. If only.
But you can do way more than wish it away.  You can choose to keep fighting, seeking treatment and support.

And if you're wishing you had someone to talk to, resources for treatment or a caring community of support, you're in luck. We're here.

Gutting Judgment

Why must we judge each other so? How about a little MYOB?

I came across this post this morning:
4 Times It’s Perfectly OK to Judge Other Parents

In reading the 4 examples, our gut reaction might be to think “Oh yeah! Ugh. SO irritating, right? Those poor kids with dreadful, self-centered/absent/discipline-lacking mothers.”

But why? Seriously, what’s the point? How does it help us be better mothers ourselves? Because we can look down at another, without knowing the whole story?

It doesn’t seem a far cry from “Nah, nah, nah, I’m better than you!”

Maybe I’m judging the judgers, I don’t know. I’m guessing the author’s purpose is not malicious and is more for entertainment. But, still.

I think it bothers me so because so often I see moms at POEM, struggling with perinatal mood/anxiety disorders, actually believe the judgmental comments they hear.
And they feel not good enough, broken, flawed. And it’s just not true.

No two mothers are the same. No two children are the same. No two families are the same.

So, of course, we may see another’s parenting choice as one we’d not make in our own lives, but that’s fine. That doesn’t make one better than the other. Just different.

Enough with the judgment. Find something else to do, like supporting mothers to find the confidence to recognize that they are the expert in their own lives.

We must care for ourselves and our children in the way that works best for us.
It just DOES NOT MATTER what anyone else thinks.

My parents were groovy. And awesome.



Bob and Jan

 Last week at the library, an acquaintance of mine mentioned a blog-turned-book, My Parents Were Awesome, full of essays from adult children about their parents before they were born.

Here’s an excerpt from the book overview: “They bathed you. They fed you. They raised you to become the person you are today. Your parents are an integral part of your story. But guess what? They have a story too—one that started long before you entered the picture. Before embarrassing fanny packs and Lite FM, there was a time when Mom and Dad were young and carefree—just like you. They were also fun and flirty, full of hope and desire and effortlessly cool.”

Personally, I was definitely never effortlessly cool in my whole life. But yes, of course, I did have likes and interests before my kids arrived. But what about now that life is often dominated with tasks and activities related to my children?

I think the snapshots of days gone by can serve as a reminder to hang on to something that is you, alone. Or yours, as a couple, pre-kiddos. Like to read? I heard there’s this cute book. Connect with friends or look to make some new ones. Just something, anything that reminds you that you are still in there and deserve your own time and needs. And if you’re not feeling like yourself due to postpartum depression or a related maternal mood issue and can’t think of a thing you enjoy, just know that you ARE still in there. With help you will feel like you again.

I know that I struggled with that very concept. I thought good moms only considered their children’s needs. In the throes of PPD, I believed it to be fact and could never do enough. Just do more, I would think. Then I’ll feel better. Now I know that’s not true. I have to care for me so I can care for them. Had I felt like I could think straight, I could have looked to my parents’ fine example. Yes, they had a life before me. But they also had a life outside of my care while I was around. They did their own fun stuff while every need of mine was attended to, and then some. They loved me and they loved each other – and still do. And they had their own individual interests – and still do. And now I can show my children that too.

So at the library, I went as plain old Tonya, bypassing educational, nonfiction, productive-type reading and went right for Harry Bosch. Just for fun. For me.

March Meeting Schedule - NOTE THE CHANGE

POEM Columbus Support Group Meeting Schedule for March -

Saturday, March 21 at 10am
***This is a week later than our usual Saturday. POEM will be at the Baby Bonanza: Everything from Pregnancy to Preschool on te 14th. Come and check it out.

Monday, March 30 at 7pm

Meetings are held at Northwest Counseling
1560 Fishinger Rd
Columbus, OH 43221

CLICK HERE FOR MAP/DIRECTIONS

Please call the Support Line, 614-315-8989, if you have any questions.



It’s okay to reach out for help.
That’s why we’re here.

www.poemonline.org

Our next support group meeting is scheduled for tomorrow, January 26 at 7:00 pm. The topic, time permitting, is "Taking Care of You." We will examine general self-care tips and discuss how attendees can individualize particular ideas themselves. Please contact us through the website or call (614) 315-8989 if you have any questions about our support groups.

It’s okay to reach out for help.
That’s why we’re here.

www.poemonline.org