I Just Wish

...this would all go away.

...I could stop worrying.

...I'd know when I will feel like me again.

...I could get some freaking sleep.

While we'd all like to find that four-leaf clover and enjoy a little Luck o'the Irish, wishing our troubles away doesn't really get us too far. Even on St. Patty's Day, just around the corner.

And oftentimes, wishes come as an expression of exasperation, frustration. "Why me?! I wish..."
And instead of moving toward feeling better, the wishing relinquishes yet another piece of control from your hands. Almost like telling yourself there's nothing you can do.

PPD is not a choice and as such, getting better is not just a decision to not have said PPD. If only.
But you can do way more than wish it away.  You can choose to keep fighting, seeking treatment and support.

And if you're wishing you had someone to talk to, resources for treatment or a caring community of support, you're in luck. We're here.

Value you.

When wading through the depths of PPD, surviving day-to-day life and stresses is the goal. Nitty gritty, down and dirty survival. Clawing the cliff of worries, insecurities, sleep deprivation, adjustments to parenthood. The harsh reality of pulling through a pregnancy-postpartum mood/anxiety disorder:
taking it
a day
an hour
a moment at a time.

Believe it or not – it does get better. Hope returns. Sometimes hope briefly makes an appearance and steals away.  Such is the nature of the winding road to recovery.  When that glimmer shows itself,
even the teeniest bit,
even for a moment,
consider looking to find or rediscover something you enjoy. Something you’re passionate about.

There's an article (link) from a few months ago about this idea. It's more about general depression, which typically differs from PPD, but makes a similar point.

But the true inspiration for this post came from three women, mothers, who, through their theatrical talents, are living this very ideal:

Melissa Muguruza Weaver – SLEEPER, Everybody’s Girl

Kim Garrison Hopcraft – Rubenstein’s Kiss

Amy Anderson – Sideways Stories from Wayside School

I had the honor of meeting each of these women last year, when POEM produced its first Moms Night Out event, The MOMologues: The Original Comedy About Motherhood. They, along with other fabulous women, generously gave of their time and talent to direct and star in the show. (And save the date, The MOMologues is returning this year on May 11.)

Now, stop it right now if you’re comparing. If you’re struggling to get through the basics of day-to-day life and see what these women are doing and thinking you’re inadequate, it is simply not true. No matter where you are today, you are just as beautiful, powerful as anyone else.
Your inherent resilience and strength is in there. 
And each person finds what gives them joy on their own, in their own time.

The MOMologues brings to light the crazy, funny emotional events that happen (to all moms – regardless of PPD) throughout pregnancy and new motherhood. In observing the first rehearsal last year, I learned that each cast member identified with some challenge comically addressed in the show. So, despite of their talent, beauty and brilliance, they, too, didn’t always know the answers. And I’m guessing they still don’t. But each continues the journey and serves as an inspiration to delve into what they love to do as an individual – addressing their own human needs in addition to providing care and love for their children. They’re a true example to their children – and to us - to live our dreams, whatever they are.

Take this moment to give yourself permission to address your own, personal needs. Consider squeezing in time to do something meaningful or fun for you. You are worthy. Doing something for you is more than okay – it’s good for you.

Pertussis and PPD

“I think that most people believe that it’s an opportunity that shouldn’t be missed,” said Dr. Michael Brady,   (The Columbus Dispatch LINK),  chairman of the Department of Pediatrics at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.


Dr. Brady was quoted in The Dispatch last week in an article discussing The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) report that pediatricians may vaccinate parents and caregivers for whooping cough (pertussis) when they’re in the office with their kiddos.


For in the best interest of the patient (the child), treating the parent can lead to better health outcomes. Absolutely! Super! Agreed.


Parents are busy and sometimes forgo their own routine preventative care, but rarely do they miss those well checks for their children. As an advocate for moms, I say don’t forget to take care of you! But as a busy mom myself, I too am guilty of sometimes putting the health care needs of my kids ahead of my own.


Back in 2010, the AAP similarly recommended that pediatricians screen moms for postpartum depression (PPD) and related disorders, using similar logic stated now in the pertussis vaccination report.


Pediatricians are the care providers who see moms:
~often the first one following baby’s arrival
~typically more than any other medical care provider in baby’s first year.


And since this means they’re also seeing the 1 mom in 5 who’s struggling with a postpartum mood/anxiety disorder, they’re in a unique position to help. 


Help her to know that she’s not a failure. Postpartum disorders are not character flaws: rather, a treatable illness. She deserves support and care in order to best care for her baby.


Help her know she’s not alone. Help connect her to those who can help her get better. So she can be the mom she wants to be.


Help her see that getting resources and treatment will make it easier – and more enjoyable – to care for her baby and her family.


I hope Dr. Brady's colleagues agree that, in the interest of their young patients, they can address health issues of parents. 


Then perhaps we'll see more discussion of postpartum depression and related disorders in the pediatric setting.  A recent outreach project of the Franklin County Maternal Depression Task Force found that only about 26% of greater Columbus pediatric practices who returned survey data are discussing postpartum mood issues with the families in their care. Sadly, the vast majority of the 234 practices contacted didn’t respond at all. My fingers are crossed that the low response rate means that they are screening, talking with moms and essentially have it covered. But in talking with the hundreds of mothers through POEM each year, I doubt it.  Yes, there are some wonderful local pediatricians who routinely refer to POEM and we think they're pretty amazing.  So do the mothers who get help, and get better.


The Task Force, of which POEM is proud to be an active member, isn’t giving up on the next steps in the outreach project. This year we’ll continue to work to engage pediatricians and other care providers in hopes of enlisting their participation in supporting moms – and thusly, families.


But as a community, we all need to chip in. If your pediatrician doesn’t mention postpartum mood issues and the availability of resources, ask “Why not?”


And if you’re one of the moms who found POEM or other resources because of your pediatric practitioner, say “Thank you. You make a difference.”

My parents were groovy. And awesome.



Bob and Jan

 Last week at the library, an acquaintance of mine mentioned a blog-turned-book, My Parents Were Awesome, full of essays from adult children about their parents before they were born.

Here’s an excerpt from the book overview: “They bathed you. They fed you. They raised you to become the person you are today. Your parents are an integral part of your story. But guess what? They have a story too—one that started long before you entered the picture. Before embarrassing fanny packs and Lite FM, there was a time when Mom and Dad were young and carefree—just like you. They were also fun and flirty, full of hope and desire and effortlessly cool.”

Personally, I was definitely never effortlessly cool in my whole life. But yes, of course, I did have likes and interests before my kids arrived. But what about now that life is often dominated with tasks and activities related to my children?

I think the snapshots of days gone by can serve as a reminder to hang on to something that is you, alone. Or yours, as a couple, pre-kiddos. Like to read? I heard there’s this cute book. Connect with friends or look to make some new ones. Just something, anything that reminds you that you are still in there and deserve your own time and needs. And if you’re not feeling like yourself due to postpartum depression or a related maternal mood issue and can’t think of a thing you enjoy, just know that you ARE still in there. With help you will feel like you again.

I know that I struggled with that very concept. I thought good moms only considered their children’s needs. In the throes of PPD, I believed it to be fact and could never do enough. Just do more, I would think. Then I’ll feel better. Now I know that’s not true. I have to care for me so I can care for them. Had I felt like I could think straight, I could have looked to my parents’ fine example. Yes, they had a life before me. But they also had a life outside of my care while I was around. They did their own fun stuff while every need of mine was attended to, and then some. They loved me and they loved each other – and still do. And they had their own individual interests – and still do. And now I can show my children that too.

So at the library, I went as plain old Tonya, bypassing educational, nonfiction, productive-type reading and went right for Harry Bosch. Just for fun. For me.

PPD on ABC's General Hospital

The daytime soap opera "General Hospital" has recently carried a storyline of a character battling with Postpartum Depression. Since the show is obviously created for the purpose of entertainment, there's no duty nor expectation for them to create each detail with precise medical accuracy. Having said that, as a far-reaching media outlet, one would expect them to bear some responsibility in disseminating fairly accurate information. While I've not personally seen even a snippet of the show itself, the chatter in our postpartum circles has indicated that the coverage has been a mix of the expected from an entertainment outlet.

Postpartum Support International's (the organization for which POEM is the Ohio coordinator) President, Birdie Meyer, made an excellent statement about the desired outcome: "We are happy that they are covering the subject and want to bring attention to this disease."

In the ABC Press Release regarding the subject, Birdie goes on to say: “PSI is honored that the producers and writers of ‘General Hospital’ felt the topic of postpartum depression was an important one to share with their audience,” said Meyer. “Millions of women’s lives can be saved by ending the fear and isolation of sufferers and offering access to treatment resources. We are grateful to ABC Daytime following up with a public service announcement and helping to raise awareness of what is truly the most common complication of childbirth.”